The Depth of a Soul..

Hope, As the pendulum swings. Too and fro. You've come to know me, I've come to let you in. I've gotten to know you, You're seeing me become..  It's all we could ever want, All we could ever need. A combustible, out of this world connection. We've come to love each other, and have come to a beautiful place. We have each other, need one another.  It's been an incredible journey to here, With all the ups and those lows. You've come to see me as, The man who's stood by your side through everything, Held your hand, Had your back, When you didn't even have it. The man you've needed, As the man who's been it all.. Yet, you've come to take me for granted. To take this, for granted. I say you're spoiled. Spoiled in everything we share, It's your everything, All the while you're so willing to let it go .  Do you even know what you're doing? You live in this story, A story where you've made up your mind. Regardless of how am

Everybody's story is different, Every path has it's twists, has its turns.  As much as we can love it, Is as much as we can hate it.  Life isn't meant to be linear, Life isn't meant to be a "one try win all" type gig. Sometimes you pass go and collect money,  Many times you end up owing it.  There is no certainty's, just assurances.  An assurance that if you try your hardest, you'll get the most out of whatever is in front of you. An assurance that you wont have regrets. Assurances that if you be you, you will will have nothing to be ashamed of. An assurance that if you love with all you have to love,  You would have laid it all on the table, no guilt, no shame, no regrets. Assurance comes from within. That although you may never get back all you put in, You can at least say: "good job, you made it the best you could."  You gave it your heart, you gave it your all. To that end you will find your peace.  Know this: Live let live always. When y

Today, Tomorrow. Here,  There. Everywhere, Nowhere.  Why? Who? Annoying, Irritating. I hate your stinkin' guts, I love your stinkin' face.  Not enough, A bit too much. You're everything, But not enough. Yesterday, A dream ago, A bit late, A bit too soon. Sometimes its just not meant to make sense. You're everything, My everything, Yet never enough... It's as if life is stuck in reverse, Where the reverse logic prevails, And common sense is fleeting. The easy, Simple facts, Simple truths, are what isn't reality, yet the complete most asinine ideas, Are what prevails. At least consistency prevails, When insanity rests, When the illogical fades into the the background. At the end of the day, Your life is only dictated by you. Your choices, Your truths.  Hopefully your goal is to find them. Live in them. Find people who welcome you, the way you can welcome them.  I've been stuck in this before.  A never ending cycle of inconsistency's and partial desires, Th

To the front,  To the back, To the highest of ups, And the lowest of downs. Having seen so much.. From heart break, To career shattering losses. To family deaths, and losses of all kind. Far from the end, Yet not far from the goals, To arrive and create some more. Happy to just be, Content in the peace found, Content with deep conversations, Connection to the deepest core. Not needing much to be happy, Yet to be driven, focused, and set. Never willing to settle. Never willing to strive for less than the hearts content.  Focused on it all.  Success on all levels, and only stop growing when death reaches the door step. Being willing to do whatever it takes, Not shying down because it's easy to. It's easy to talk a big talk when life has been easy. That has passed years and years ago. Having become so accustom to loss, Nothing phases me at this point. Yet never giving up, and never giving in, Is all I know. It's time to live the higher forms of what life can offer, Enjoy all m

As it should be. Simple, Easy.  Your sunkissed face looking up to mine, That smile spreading across your face, A glisten in your eyes, The smile on my face, The knowing it's reciprocated. It's easy loving you, It's simple, No dialogues, No complexities, It's you wanting me, Wanting you.  You put your head on my shoulder, We talk for hours, That instant draw, We click.  I can't tell you what tomorrow brings, But that sunkissed face, is all I can think of. The warmth of your smile, The warmth of your skin. Like your smell on my shirts. Oh you're so lovely, It's so easy loving on you. It's that summer breeze, brushing through our hair, My skin tingles with your touch, Butterflies.. Like Sunshine through the clouds after a rainy afternoon. You pushed back the clouds when I needed it the most. I can't say I'm all ready, but I'm all ready to try. And trying is so easy with you. That sunkissed face, Is what I see as I close my eyes, To open them tom

A moment, A breath, A look, A touch, A kiss, An embrace. A moment to skip a beat, A moment to have it all. It only took such, To start a new. Though love is but a whisper, Through your embrace I can imagine what it might be, How it could be.  Slowly falling, Easily falling, For you, For that moment, and for the what ifs. What if this is real? What if this could be a thing? What if we could shatter then rebuild our lives? What if you stole my heart? What if I took yours? What if this is the time? What if now? What if it was true... A shift in energy, A shift in desire. A desire for something acted upon, A desire for something shared.  A desire to face our fears, and to jump together.  That though now is only a moment, And a moment we may only have. At least I dreamt, At least we felt. Too soon, Too far gone? Not soon enough. What if your face became the face in the crowd? That out of a thousand people I'd see you first, and only you. You'd hold my eye, You'd hold my desire,

I often wonder what I would tell my daughter, If she was at my age, and I were to impart my "fatherly" wisdom her way.  often laugh at the thought, Because hun, I'm sure you feel your life is a mess now, But so was mine. I promise you're better off than I was. Yet I survived. No I more than survived, I thrived.. See?  At 20 my life fell apart. 21 I was at a peak, the world was my oyster. 24 I had an income that surpassed most Drs. 25 I lost what I thought was everything, 27 I lost the rest. 29 I jumped into a mess, 30 I lost myself. 32 I thought I had it all rebuilt, 33 had to do it all over.. 34 I have all of this behind me. I’ve hit another breaking point. Yet with it all I have become the strongest I’ve ever been.  The weight of everything has come full circle. I have learned that  It’s impossible to look forward while looking back, And it’s also strength to let yourself crash. Because through weakness becomes strength. I am strong because I am weak. I am whole bec

So, I hurt. This pain, oh this pain.. I can feel it. I can see it. It clouds my head. It clouds my heart. It fills me with anxiety. It attacks my confidence, It paralyzes my senses. It's drawing out insecurities I thought overcome. My pain feels like it has a mind of it's own. It wants me to be irrational, Bashful, and Spiteful. It's calling my brain to be cloudy. It knows I'm feeling too much. My brain wants to implode, To numb, To draw inwards, To collapse.. It's calling me to be irrational, To feel the desire to lash out, To Fuck my world, and everyone in it. It's calling out to my baser instincts and threaten to vie for control. Now, I feel like I'm falling.. I feel like I'm spiraling, I feel like I'm hopeless, Helpless.. That all of my best laid plans have collapsed, Those feelings of irrelevancy, Those feelings of insignificance..  This is the cycle of thoughts and feelings I am experiencing.  All of the above,  Rather it's for hours at a t

A moment in time, A blip of existence. What is time? What are relationships? All are many tiny moments. Shared time combined to make up a shared timeline. The interconnection of energy and moments. What is the purpose of it all? If the end of those moments, The end of that shared purpose, If it's slowly fading from view..  Is it better to die by a thousand cuts? Some may argue, It's better to just let go, save yourself from the pain. Why fight? What is there to save? When you know, It could be saved, with just minor efforts made, with just more tiny moments of care. When did you become invisible? When the other, The grand connection of your existence, has no clue what to say, no idea what to do, When you realize, That most of your, greatest and recent intimate moments shared, happened bc you were the one making them happen, and all they had to do was jump aboard.. Yet not really doing much, other than to follow along... Realizing that all is still there, Everything. The beauty

Here's a letter you may never get, Yet a letter that needs to be written. Something that should have been sent a while ago. Now it's being brought from the archives. I don't know where to go from here, other than to define my the array of feelings I'm currently experiencing, when thinking of you. It's a mixture of anger, Anxiety, sadness, a heaviness I can't seem to shake,  with a heavy sense of betrayal. It's also with a proper mixture of Love, sincere happiness, the level of companionship, Comfortability & compatibility. A foundational love and relationship that is being shaken to the core.  It's hard to put into words exactly, The why or the reasons for me feeling this way. You've seen the outliers lately, and as always, I'm seeking a way through this. For starters, I know the root of these thoughts and feelings stem from deeply embetted insecurities, but also valid emotional reactions, most people would have, with the sense of loss I am c

When is enough, enough? When does your view point change? When does the perception of someone diminish? Why with so such a strong connection, With us getting closer and closer, You still revert, or move backwards? Why is this even a thing? No matter how many times I thought we've moved passed this, It keeps coming back. It's not even me, That's something I've learned throughout all of this, It's everything to do with your head and heart not matching. You wanting to experience all of life, Just not stay committed to anything. It's as if you have your hand in everything, All bc you can't choose. You see? I've learned how to love unconditionally. Learned to be grateful for all of the things, From great to small. To see all of what you do, Learned how to view all of your efforts, To love you for your strengths, and even your weaknesses.  I know you better than anyone alive. You as a person. See? I want you to live your life, To walk your journey, Be and do y

This is something that's been on my mind a lot. Instead of chopping it up the body's response to extreme happiness or sadness. What's on the inside that triggers you to cry? Ask yourself this. Don't stop at the surface reasons: A divorce, the death of a loved one, extreme happiness.. Remember, it's not bad to cry. That Crying isn't about this person. It's about facing your pain. Embracing it, accepting it, Then letting go.. So. As you cry, ask yourself why. Why can't you stop? Why have you physically lost it?  What is the pain associated with these tears? Or on the flip side, Why aren't you crying? Where and why do you have a lack of attachment there? Get to the root of it. If you do this, If you try this exercise,  Most likely it's not going to be what you first think about. So let's just say: You miss your spouse,  Him/her not being in your life, Is harder than you could ever have imagined... It's not fair, It's not right. You reali

Today. The day goes on., Those twists and turns. I thought things were cool. Once,  all was well.  Then,  Overnight,  The thoughts came. Though but a moments break,  Something changed..  I'm loving life as it is.  I kinda just wanted a friend,  Someone to be here with me through it.  Someone to enjoy the now with, Someone who doesn't limit the journey, With the destination. I wasn't placing anything on you,  No expectations,  or pretenses included. Yet you never came,  You never followed,  I took the lead,  and tripped myself,  While you took a different path.   In the Joy of the day, through the mountains,  The views,  The climbs,  The heights,  The joys.  The Up's and the down's,  The temperature stayed the same,  Consistent, and forgiving. You took the journey frequently traveled, I tried the lead, Then tripped.. Next hike will be,  A fourteener.  Longer than I planned,  But the challenge much readied for.  The thought of a next day,  Doesn't change the peopl

The Sky is yours, Oh pretty bird, Fly, Fly fast, fly free. The limitations of your life, The limitations of mind, They don't apply to you. Pretty bird, The ocean is beneath you, Don't fall now, Fly free, Fly fast. Fly through the mist of the waves crashing, the misty rain on your face. Close your eyes, Feel its aura. Life is how you choose to see it, Not what the unwanted neighbor of your mind dictates.  Pretty bird. Fly free, Fly home. Oh you pretty bird, You beautiful soul. Fly home to where your heart is, Lose the bounds you've placed in your mind, They never should have ever been there to begin with. The world is yours for the taking, Only look back to take those you love with you. You don't have to erase everything, to become more, Just free your mind, and be kind to yourself. Create the type of relationships you want, instead of running from self created pressures, or stress.  Pretty bird, Fly free, Fly fast, Let your life become all you've wanted, You're

A standard, A myth, Wanted from the outside, Shunned from the inside. A place you hold yourself to, A place you desire to be, An obscure measurement, Yet known to you. As you seek what you desire. So many times we unrealistically aim high, Or we don’t even aim at all. But all along, Our standard is just an extension of, The energy we put out there. And regardless of what we think we want, Energy draws like energy, And at the end of it all, You will attract, The energies of where you’re at. Your shortcomings, Mental aptitude’s,  Insecurities, Strengths, Weaknesses, Fundamental damages, And unaware flaws. These things will effect, Whether we like it or not, The many types of people we invite into our space.  So on a subconscious level, We won’t be able to elevate passed, Ceilings we placed for ourselves. So try this. Before you seek intimate physical affection, Emotional connectivity, Relationships, Work on yourself. Look around you to the people who, By chance may actually be, In a bett