The Depth of a Soul..

Do you know? Can you tell? Walking similar paths, rather intentionally or not intentionally, Who's counting? The point is, It's not a bad thing. Rather you can admit it or not, Accept it. Actions mirror. You did that, I didn't ask, I did warn. But. I hope it doesn't end like mine. You were always the good of the three. I've always admired the things you've done, The things you've been capable of. That sweet kid, that genuine heart, all adored. You've always had that light in your eye. That light that comes from an inner peace. A moral code... Remember that. Remember this, Pride has a way to jade an image. I've seen the way you've looked at me, I know you care, and have been there through thick and thin, but I can tell. There's a part of you that think you're better than I, or maybe smarter. That blindness of yours, Is only an overlook, a misjudgment. You've done a lot, Many of which is much simi

I’ve become. I’ve become, a thought in the wind, A voice trailing, a whisper. I’ve become. A person running, My new MO.  Will I let myself cry today? Or will I fake it… I will. A heart beats. My heart, this heart… It broke, a million pieces, shattered, lost. I’m okay with it though. I’ve learn pain. I’ve learn loss. Now it’s about how. How to get through. The void, Black and bleak. Cold, oh so cold.  Learning how to fix this head of mine, Learning how to rewrite my habits, Facing it, face to face, Time after time. Only time can heal these kind of wounds. Every day you learn something new, Ever so subtle, yet ever so profound. The power of just moving forward. Steady and sure, a summer’s breeze. Until it comes - That beautiful pain, You smile. A smile that you made it, allowed yourself through it, the worst has passed, and here you are. Smiling for no reason, Listening to your favorite son

I come home... Excited to be alone, Happy and so relieved. Yet here I am, Looking over my shoulder, Lost in my mind. Trying to avoid, Trying to forget, avoiding, not confronting. Running has been my MO for so long, so long that I've forgotten that my heart is still beating, that my legs do have feeling.. I'm so tired. Always, not wanting to move, yet excited to. Heartbeats as one, Missing something, You know what.. Trying to not think, Living in a void. Don't bother me, I won't respond. I don't want to wake up, I don't want to feel. Knowing I should, is different from actually doing. What the hell is wrong with me. I can spend hours at a time, staring at a computer screen, It's as if I get lost, I am getting lost, Anything to escape. Maybe.. just maybe I can. Why is it so damn hard? The emotions are there, just hiding. Let it out, It's okay. Cry for her, cry for yourself. She's to young to know, and when

There’s a darkness upon me that’s flooded in light With the fine print that tells me what’s wrong and what’s right There’s a darkness inside me that fights with my light Sometimes you are blind. Most of the time you refuse to see, but It’s been there this whole damn time. Take a bow, Realize it. Deal with it. Let it consume you, To then throw it away. Take your time to deal, Take this time to feel. Something is wrong with you, But it’s okay. It’s normal for all you’ve been through, What you’ve Dealt with.  Surprisingly you’re still standing. Let yourself fall, To then, pick yourself back up. That’s okay, It had to happen sometime. Let it happen on your watch. Heal. You have the control over you. You have been shrouded in the darkness of others projections, yet you allowed it. Accept it. Move from that anger, to the acceptance. You have been weak, Yet that’s okay, everyone is from

It’s an awkward stage, so you can say. It’s a place I’d rather not be in, that is true.  Yet here I am, Sometimes I’m soaring, most times I’m spiraling down the drain, somewhere between sanity and hopelessness. Kind of like a light bulb with a mind of it’s own. What the hell is it’s issue? Nowhere near the place I thought of, Those 5 years ago when I started this. So here I am, down with the demons of my mind, the demons of heart. I’ve seen a lot of things I’d rather not have, been privy to the worst and the best. Seen life full, experiencing it’s worst. Not quite in hell, just hovering the grey. Seeing the sun rise, then the sun fall. Sometimes I can’t even tell the difference,  But I’m far from dead, and more than just living. I’m getting by, step by step, bit by bit. I’ve been running from time, by not having the time to live it.  Now I’m here, Now I’m there, Now I’m forced to.  Rise above the shit

The feeling of the first winds of fall, the smell of winter in the air, the almost camp fire smell.. The little joys, You have have forgotten, What you will do to find keep this feeling. The feeling that you can make it through, the hell of this time. the hell of these moments...  Just keep breathing, Keep looking forward. Cry... Let yourself feel. All you can do is just keep moving. Don't let shame take control. Deal with your heart, but don't lose your mind. Remember that you're not alone. Even when you feel the walls caving in, There are others who have felt what you feel now. Even if you slow down, Feel the wounds of your actions, Even if you feel like you can barely breath, Keep going. Be strong, Move on. Remember that you are better than the pain. Better than what you've done. Better than the regret... Never forget,  Just forgive, Forgive yourself.. That you can get through this. The o

I've been standing in it so long, I can't tell whats normal or not, Is it normal? The flames... Have you been on fire this whole time? Have I become that numb? You have. And you didn't even know it. There's not much left of you. The you, the you had back then. That memory of before. when life was good, when life was clear.. You didn't let yourself heal, You didn't let yourself feel enough, You thought better than the clear and present reality. You thought you knew. You thought you were okay. You were't. You weren't ready for the hell that became, The Hell you cant see outside of. Are you just going to stand there? You didn't even know you were in it. Lying... What are you even lying about? Liar. Stop it. Be you. What are you? Do you even know anymore? Stop lying. Lying to yourself, Or lying to others... It's all a blur now, the blur of reality and wishful thinking. The sad part is? You don't even car

At the heart of it. Beating through it all. The place you call Home. When all seem's lost, When the pain is to much to bare, That darkness, Oh hell you have no clue how. Please, Show me how. Home. Help me find it. That comfort, that peace. That sweet sound, the peaceful mind Home. Where you are safe. I have been running, for far to long how I've wondered. Help me find it. Please God. Remember me, I'm not to far away, Just a bit to many blocks ahead.. Help me remember, that peace, that comfort, that serenity, that love, My Home. Madness. the yelling, the fighting. Helplessness, the unceasing heartache. My Madness. The dizziness, The blacked out rage. Guilt, Shame, Loneliness. I used to resolve things, Once I felt whole, Home.. I had it once. The peace, The serenity, The comfort, Where no judgment ever resides.. Though I've been gone for far to long, I still remember the sweet taste of it. Where love sits. Where

Whatever it means to me, Lost in the space, Found in the expanse. The space between home and hell As dark as a sun The brightness of a star Nothing is what it's meant to be, Only products of what it's been. Gorgeous and alone, No one is listening. Alone, when everyone is listening. You happen to be alone. Alone and free. Free but still chained. Where were you? Why were you? Tell me how, tell me now. I can't live in my head. Can't live like this. Meet me at midnight... Gorgeous and alone. Where were you? I needed you then, I need you now. Hopeless and alone. Face to face. No body is there. But where were you!!!!! Why is this now. Why can't it be. Goodbyes always take us to a new beginning. Between heaven and hell, Still stuck in the subway. Where were you back then? I needed your hand. I need your love. Is there enough time to make it up? Lost in your mind, Yet I'm on my way. Going home. Now I am home. You