The Depth of a Soul..

It's been a while my friend, The fullness of you with me, The companionship, and the feeling. It had been a while, since I unlocked the box I held you in. It felt so good, wearing you on my sleeve, vulnerable, yet confident. I'm glad I saw you, if just for a brief period of time. I won't forget, how alive I felt, the breathlessness, the comfort and fullness. I'm glad I gave you away, if but for a short time. But I think it's time, to put you back in the box, build up the walls, and let you hide. Sometimes feeling, is not always a good thing. I'll keep the keep on a chain around my neck, ready for that time again. But right now I need to forget for a little bit. I need to fully move on, and let myself fully heal. I thought I had the answers, but it proved wrong. Time isn't ready. Next time, I hope it will be the time. I'm glad I gave you away, if but for a short time. My Old Heart, my best friend. I'm glad I

It came out of no where. Hit like a Mack-truck. Life was shattered, who ever expects divorce out of nowhere? I sure as heck didn't.  But hey, though it hurt, though I didn't deserve it. I go to sleep with a smile on mouth.  My heart is finally at peace.  I went through my share of tears.  From denial,  to anger,  from pain,  to null.  Oh I went through it all.  Boy I'm glad I did.  Now I can say,  It doesn't hurt like it did,  nor will it ever again.  But I'm happy to say, I rarely think about you. You left a mess when you left. But out of the mess,  came clarity and a new life.  You were once the priority. My best friend, and lover. Now you're a passing thought. It was sad when you left, When you chose selfishness and greed, Override our life, our relationship, the trust I had in you. You bulldozed it all, with one fell sweep. Consequences will follow, Yet you may be to stubborn, and pridefu

So I don't get it. Were you not there? Did you not see it? I know you did at one point. What am I missing? I know I didn't make it up. Fireworks happened. butterflies. Excitement. Lack for words. A breath of fresh air. We soared. Potential was an under statement. I was speechless. I had to talk to myself, just to prove to myself that it happened, That it wasn't a dream, Or something I made up. When I met you, I went into it, wary, and not sure. But that went out the window quickly, I was speechless.. I saw it in your eyes, but most especially with the way you kissed me. But wait... You even felt comfortable around me. You even told me. Oh it was real, we were. You let some of your walls down. we enjoyed the moment. We talked, you talked, we adventured. I was speechless.. If you wanted to start over, Have a do over, I'd do it. You said you weren't going to disappear... I want to know what happened? I'm speechless...

Reply Not a fan of this word. Reply typically is in response to a message you've sent, Awaiting a reply, Need a reply, Has there been a reply yet? I don't like waiting on other people. Sometimes,  That "reply" never comes, And so you're left with a little void, That a response would have filled. But not this time. Regardless of how much you wanted a reply, It's not on your time. Sometimes you don't want someone to think, That you're waiting for a reply, Because then they have the power. Yet you know, Secretly, deep down inside, You really would Have liked that reply. So I'm to the point of just not expecting one, From anyone, And writing it off as such. No "reply?" Well that's their loss, Suckers. Even though you thought I was never merited a reply, I'm better than caring. Though I did care.. Well a little, Maybe a lot... Grrrrrrrr Haha the conflict.. So

Okay genius, Clearly it wasn't just about you. Something must have changed. Something sparked a change, Or "the" change. So times I wish I could press delete on things I've said, Text sent, messages left...  Then start over. lol I mean if you don't see any plausible reason, Then clearly it's about her. Things just don't turn off,  There is a reason. You may never know that reason, Just don't be selfish. Soooo what done is done. Just be better next time, And don't be so narrowed sighted.  Life is so great right now, Nothing will hold you back. The world is laid before, And you will take it, And make of it want you want. So be better, And do better. A happy ending, Is a happy ending, Only because God and yourself made it that way. So keep at the path and stay focused, And resolved.  Happiness is always there, Just stay a while, And feel it. 

Ive found the median. Life is poised to to go in any number of directions. And I'm preparared for them. It's taken me a while to fully be at peace, But I've found it. And I've found strength in it. Strength in the assurance, That Ive found myself, And more than ever I'm sure.. For... I've caught a glimpse of what I truly want, And exactly who've I've seen.. It was there, not to long so long ago. And I won't settle for less. Now it's a game of probability, I don't have any idea of where it's at now, But I'm at 50/50, And honestly I'm more scared if it works out... Well, I'll continue to find strength in peace, With serenity as a beacon. I'm no longer conflicted with where I've been, And I've worked through the most of it. It feels amazing. So here I am, Approaching a venture - The paths aren't far from each other, One will just be so much better than the other, Well happier sooner

Something is better than nothing, even when nothing seems better. You thought your world was ending, yet here you are. Something is better than nothing, Though nothing was expected. Here you are, Sitting by your door, bags in your hand, your shoes only half way on, you're lost for thought, lost in a daze... Something was better, yet nothing was preferred... Sometimes, you can't find the beginning from the end, nor see the end from the beginning... Life hands you nothing, yet you made something. Snap out of it. Life isn't over. Drop the bags, take off those shoes. Stand up, and walk forward. Aren't you glad you're not alone? remember me, and smile. Something is better than nothing. Well nothing, is in fact.. Nothing... Don't let the thought of nothing consume you. You have the world at your fingertips. You just have to believe again. Stand up, take one, then two steps forward. You're better than nothing, and let

Well honesty is a funny thing. Sometimes you can be dishonest without meaning to be. Many times you thought you knew the whole truth, only to find out you didn't. So you beat up on yourself for the dishonesty you portrayed. Sorry, I thought... Well thinking is good, But it's not always right. Just do. Do your best, and be honest, as honest as you know how to be. Everyone has a different version of what 100% honest means. As people, we can be so misguided, that leads you do blindness, which blindness can lead to dishonesty.. I tend to be misguided at times. Sometimes I just don't see, what's clearly in front of me. Sometimes I feel like I've been honest, well I strive to be an honest person, yet come to find, that I've been miss-leading... So, I want to apologize, to those I might have mislead. It wasn't ever my desire to be misleading.. Recently I've found myself, believing a situation to be true, Only to realize... I ha

Waiting along the way, Yet happier than you've been in a long time. Focusing on yourself, strengthening who you are, and remember pieces of a lost self. Self discovering passions, then planning for a bright future, the future you know is on the horizons. Yet, waiting has never gotten any more fun. Standing tall, even with all the reason to fall down. Becoming stronger, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Working your heart, and pushing your body. Becoming more, the hitting hit. Yet, still waiting along the way. You're releasing and bonds that held you down. Remember what brought them upon yourself, then building a stronger wall of protection. You're working out the mess that became your head. You see more clearer than you have in ages. Waiting get's easier, but never fun. Realizing the reality of it all. And living with it. Striving, and becoming. You have more to prove to yourself, so you're proving. Staying consistently

Pause. It's nice being in a situation of life, Where you have the confidence that you're exactly where God wants you. Working on yourself, Improving your life, Building new habits, And staying true to the path. Sometimes you might have to press pause on the things you want, Or care about the most the most... But be confident that time aside, is the next best step for you. Sometimes it's s hard realization, That you can't move down some venues.. That a certain part of your life, Is pressed on pause, And the outcome is out of your control.. Yet remember that inner peace that in the end, it will work out. So whatever that means, stay confident with yourself. And that God will guide this the way it needs to be guided. Know that anything truly amazing will take time, And is worth fighting for, And if waiting is part of that fight, Then wait. Know that happiness is at the end of this waiting. Rather it's unseen or the ho

Lately I've been far and wide.  my recent experiences have sent me down crazy new roads I never thought I'd ever travel. Lately I've spent a lot of time looking introspect fully. I guess the road of divorce will do that to a person.  Often I think about the times of my life that have stood out the most.  Like the road that lead from my decision to serve a mission for my faith.  To that road I traveled in high school when I said no. or when I said yes and never gave up.  To those detour's that almost put me flat on my face.  I could have gone down the road of a musician,  Yet I never did. How different my life would have been..  I've spent much time thinking about the people who have been in my life,  those who've walked those roads with me, and stayed by my side always.  To those I've lost along the way. I want to thank those dearest friends of mine,  to my amazing family.  I can be a huge pain in the butt.  B

"Come lay, see the colors of this rainbow." the boy said "its better over here..." "but why" the girl said, "life is better how I thought it once was. Dreams faded once I don't know how to dream again." "Just Lay down beside me" he said and "don't wonder "why" or if you can, just take my hand, this isn't that facade, its real, the colors of this rainbow are so breath taking, I promise." "I've heard those lines before, yet they were all lies." "Look up, see what I see. See the colors of the rainbow above us, feel it with me as the rainbow comes to the earth and allows us to touch it." "I'm scared to, it seems all to good. How about I just take one step closer to you instead." "...If that's what you want, the boy said "I'll still be here to take your hand, but this rainbow is so breathtaking its so real, I really wish you would look at

A song of the heart, Sweet music that touches the soul, Lulibyes that soothes a little one. Songs that tell you all will be okay, Songs that tell you to run. Little things bring out the worst, That only a song can explain. Words may rhyme, Words might ring true, But music speaks to the soul. Melodies simple and true, Verses deap and melodic. The most simple of songs, Can and often promote changes. Songs of the heart, Turn people to home, The home of where your heart is. Emptiness reminds you, That your heart is not safe, The time for a change, Prompted by another song. Songs that remind you of your purpose. Songs that bring back into light, The reason why you came this far. A song that teaches patience, The soothing tones of comfort, Peach, serenity.. Let the song from your heart, Teach or reteach you, The meanings of life. Let the song become you. Let it resonate, Let it sound.

I'm sick of people expecting change, no demanding change, yet they're not willing to do a single thing to help that change occur. How about this: you do all you can first, then ask for help. Stop waiting around for someone to change. Or even better yet: get angry at the situation. Yell, kick, and scream, But still, You've not done a single thing to better the situation. How about you stop demanding, and proactively do something to help yourself. There comes a time, when you just need to help yourself first. And if the desired situation hasn't gotten any better, then ask for help. I'm so sick of people who just expect change. Rather it's a quality of life problem, or something as simple as a neighbor who's T.V. is to loud. Sure talk to them, but also try to remedy the situation with simple things. Like back ground noise, Or ear buds... If the situation hasn't gotten any better, Talk with them, then take further action if

There is a faint reality to the act of losing hope. People fall into a world, created by their own actions. The mess they made would often swallow them whole. So by the time they arrive at the edge of despair, They're swimming in a sea of muck. Which, By the time they've reached this fate, have fallen hard. So instead of sinking, Swim . Don't let your muckity muck be your fate. Come to the realization, that most of what you're facing is a bi-product of your decisions. So decipher what is your fault, and work through it. Be honest with yourself. As you do so, You'll start to discover that some of these issues you face, are caused by a force of habit. Then you can attack that destructive habit , and cure yourself. It's hard though, to look around the muck. Have you ever known or seen a person with a perpetual scowl on his/her face? It's that faint reality gone real . The perpetual brown and black realisms, that your life is

Sometimes things get sticky, your life moves like sludge dripping off you car. Many times, you wake up, and you're already bored. Sad part is, You know what the edge of excitement feels like, The success from from the sweat of your brow. You know that you may be in a rut. But you're so over it. Things haven't done entirely what you've planned for them to. Relationships, job opportunities, life in general just haven't blossomed the way or how you've hoped for, maybe it takes just a bit more patience. But you still feel like you're moving in slow motion. Maybe you just need to calm down, sit down, and just keep moving forward. Which is understood, and you know all to well the joy's of what patience brings. But still, waiting never gets any easier. Even if you're doing all you can, you're still waiting.. Sometimes it's not fair, This time... it isn't fair. You never asked for this, Never wanted this. Yet it happen

I'm lucky. Though hard the trial, and painful the road has been.. I'm lucky. The sky was dark, Lightless the paths were, and empty the roads. But man I'm lucky. Repression, and a complacent heart. Careless my actions, Robotic I became, That was after only 2 years... I'm lucky. Though happy I remained, emptiness crowded my soul. Ambition was lost, potential forgotten. I can't imagine what would have become... I'm lucky. I was blind to the reality. Blind to the bleakness... Now I have a second chance at life. A second chance at love. A second chance for a future! I'm lucky. The future is open. My path is sure. Destined for greatness. Greatness I would have not reached before. My understanding is deeper, My person - is real. I was to young for that fate. Too young for that reality. Here I am, A new life ahead of me. Happiness more readily available. Blistfull joy, and peace. Oh the peace of heart and mind. Now

Well... Things may come, and things may go.  Some things last, while other don't. Even with the lack of certainty's, People can still come into your life and amaze you.  If you've lost hope that life will get better,  Find it again. Take however long is needed,  but try to open up again.  Remember that you deserve greatness.  That you can't control others actions,  but you can control your own. Be magnificent.  Be true to yourself. Let someone new,  rock your world. Let that person show you that: happiness is well deserved, That the potential for love is not lost!  Whether it works out or not, At least it happened.  Cling to the positive. Don't let the negative override growth.  remember that all things take time, especially relationships. Feel the warmth of Elation,  fill your heart.  Know that you're not broken.  Bask in the light of feeling.  That you're no longer a void of emptine

Have you ever wondered, why people typically have more to say.. When times are hard, or as life beats them up? Outside of falling in love, Most people won't post a ballad about a happy day they had, or about happiness they've experienced. But again, I will say, Blue Skies are ahead. Getting out of bed might be hard, It might take all of your energy.. but dig deep, find a reason, then do it. Look at the day, as a new adventure to be had, make it worth while, make it last. You might be in pain, but you're not alone through it. Grab on tight, accept the out reached hand, of he who loves you most. I will tell you: This is the last time I write, about while still hung up on, the time you left. Though the reason's you had, made no sense at all, I'm better for it. A piece of me will love you, being honest with myself, for the rest of my life. Yet I chose to no longer be in love with you. I chose to move onward and upward, for

If today is the worst it's gets, take comfort in the fact, that as you close yours eyes, tomorrow is a new day. Be true. If pain surrounds you in darkness, If the realism of hurt, fills the crevices of your person, reach out. Take the help from those with an out stretched hand. The moon and sun is always there. Grip your hands, Then open each palm slowly now, and slowly release... Resist the urge to yell, Resist the urge to be mean, Be kind. Be loving. Be resolute. Never allow yourself to think, that no one understands what you're going though. You are wrong. Everyone has felt pain. be accepting that there's other's that know. There is always someone else who understand's your specific brand of hurt. Be gracious. Smile when you can. Share it. Let that smile, pick others up. Be forthright. Share your true feelings. Feel the pain for a day, but let it go, come the morrow. Be Honest. Light will come. It might come in incre

Bleak is the path ahead. Darkness covers the path ahead of you. Drowning you feel, blindness to the future you fought so hard for. Despair hits... you're stuck. Here comes the wind. Huge shafts of ravaging wind tunnels - Tornado's and hurricanes destroying the remnant of your life... Everything seems to be falling... Rain falls, drowning the earth around you. You close your eyes, and lay still, and hope, you make it out alive. Yet, as the storms start to dissipate, the wind actually blew away the darkness, Your life is much clearer. The Tornado's only destroyed the weak parts - the insubstantial. The rain, only purified the ground. You find hope. Torrent's came and now you see. They washed it away. Your life is actually better off. You see cloudless sky's. A bright sun. Though, much work lay's ahead. You feel prepared and stronger, almost grateful for the turmoil.

Thank-you Sara!

For those of us that have lost a loved one - Either by tragedy or separation . It's a loss, A tough loss. It can break you, for most it does. But it's a loss that can be overcome. Though bleak the future may seem, Hope is just around the corner. Look forward, Don't lose sight of what's important. Be a bastion of strength. Show yourself then the world that you can move forward. Make a statement. Meandering in mediocracy or depression, will only prove them right. The person you lost, Would want better for you. If that person for you, was not the right one for you, be the person you want to be with someday. Stand up. Don't slouch. Look up. Look down from a mountain top, or look into the ocean, realize just how small you are with the vastness of what's out there. The world isn't ending, feel the peace of the mountain wind, the warm, salty kiss of the ocean wide. Remember that you're not alone through this, Though it might

(this song is a bit explicit with the lyrics, don't listen if you have an issue with cussing. :)) Yell and Scream, Step on me, I'm in my Cadillac. Act cool, Pretend you've done nothing wrong, I'm in my Cadillac. Over look the shit you did, The shit you put me through, I'm in my Cadillac. So, you forgot. The Vow's, The Commitment's, I'm in my Cadillac. That's fine, Give up, Quit, Close your eyes, Ignore the blatant truths... I'm in my Cadillac. I'll just keep my mind, To that night time drive, In that Cadillac. That place in my mind, where I'm just cruising, With my music blaring, Wind in hair, Miles of road till my destination, The a full moon Illuminating everything around; All being done, In my Cadillac.

Heavy love, You almost broke my back. But nothing breaks me.  I thought I could make this work.  Thought this was it!  Now I see,  I almost broke my back trying to carry it.. Not happy at the way it happened,  but happy with the result.  If one gives up,  then what's the point of trying anymore? One can only spend so long,  working, trying, yet being unnoticed at the effort.  Listening to a song,  watching a video,  and now seeing they weren't for you.  Reality is this: Happiness comes from within. Honestly - I don't think you've been able to cut that ribbon.  Once you've learned how to be happy, you never lose it!  Honestly, this is honesty. I've loved you a lot, unconditional I'd say. Just as any man should love his wife. Yet I became to complacent,  and lazy. I didn't listen all to well. Yet, you quit. Now I see you as a quitter.  Not being able to vent to you,  or even being

Old friend, It's been a while. Never thought I'd see you again. Yet this time, I'm not so scared. Call it strength, call it will power, call it whatever you may. But this time - I wont ever go to the places I went last time. I used to carry you all around, like a badge, I never wanted to give up. Yet I let myself be ruined by you. Now I let myself feel you, You come and goes, Yet, I move past you. Now I see the end at this beginning, And I know, it get's better. So much better. I smile at the thought. Yet together we'll make it work. I'll remember you as I move forward. Let you be a reminder of what can happen. You might try your hardest, but it always get's easier, just like it's supposed to do.

To whom it may concern... Hello, remember me? That inner voice of imagination? the ever present voice of adventure? Yeah, it's you, Your inner child. Remember the days when you used to be carefree? With no worry in the world, you used to run up and down the lawn. To forts in the forest, and to forts made out of boxes and pillows. Remember how it was with 0 responsibilities? Every new day gave into a brand new world, the grass was always green. The sky was always clear. Remember the time you would build traps to protect against intruders? Or the deer ticks you used to track from the days spent outside? You and your brother. Always into something. Good guys and bad guys, cops and robbers, cowboys and indians. To this day I still can't remember what drove us to climb that roof. Remember the pellet war? We used to throw missiles at those trying to invade our fort. Yes, I remember when your brother got hit in the eye with a burning stick. Mom and Dad