Pain, Sin, then Love...

Journal,
I've spent the greater part of this night crying,
Go away sin I dont want you any more.
I did this to my self, I wasn't strong enough.
I was not the man I know I am.

Pain and heart ache go away.
Dread and hurt haunts me.

I gave in to carnal desires, I let slip the Love of my Life.
I'm not worthy of such care or companionship.
Not when I've acted like such a boy...

I know what I need to do, and I will do it.
I will do it for my future wife.
I will do it for my soul.
I will do this for all of who I am.
I will do this for myself.

I know the steps forward will be lonely.
They wont be easy.
But I must do this.

The Atonement of Jesus Christ is for me,
He bled and died for me.
I must take it on my self.
Continue to walk my own paths towards galgatha's hill.
I must have my own Gethsemanie.

So I may be found worthy again of the Joys Holiness and Purity has to offer.
I must do this, I must walk this road.
Those who are with me, may they do it.

All I know is that I am strong.
I am a man.
I am the person God is leading me to become.
Last night I had walked a path from a dream.

I saw that my road led me to where I needs to be.
I saw this coming.

If I may feel of her skin again,
Feel her hair in my hands,
or kiss her on the hair again before I leave her house...

I know that such things may not happen.
But for now I will dream.