Mental Health

Here's more of a personal Topic.

For the majority of my life,

I have been deemed many things:

Aloof, Overly optimistic, Prideful, Diligent, a Good person, Career focused, Scatter Brained, Driven, Willful, competitive so many things; but never Depressed, Angry, Stagnant, Cold Distant, Hopeless, Bitter... Riddled with insecurities, Trapped in my mind..

These last several months, even years have truly challenged the very fibers of what makes me, me. 

I went from being a catch above all others, to unemployed, Un-marriageable.. 

I've been attacked to the core of my confidences in myself, and my outlook of the Man I am. The man I've worked my whole life to become.

My life.

Fell apart.

And the ghosts of my past,

Things I should have wrapped up years ago,

Came back in force.

I fell hard.

Belly up,

I felt lost,

Destroyed.

I sank into a deep depression.

I felt hopeless.

With pain haunting my every step,

I was completely trapped in my new found insecurities,

It took a lot to escape my mind.

I was very blessed to have an angel at my side during that time,

She, unknowingly, along with my therapist began the process of opening up my mind and heart again.

Without it, I would truly have been... no better words than Dark...

For the first time in my life I barely had hope.

It effected the Job I attained,

The relationships in my life,

The people I said I loved.

I was so blessed to at least have injections of hope.

Injections of light.

God sent me people.

My daughter,

That person..

My amazing family.

An incredible therapist.

I owe them so much to them all.

It took losing that person,

and the deaths of some really close friends,

Plus a much needed vacation,

and the reminder of the massive support group in my life,

for me to re-find that inner fire,

My inner light,

The ability to finally see outside of my mind.

For the first time in what feels a very long time,

I see the light again,

I'm so aware of what I could have done different to not be this low,

I've created a plan.

A schedule, with many new goals, and action plans.

Today was a good day.

A new start,

The return of me.

So much done,

So much yet to do,

I'm beyond excited and no longer scared, no longer anxious. 

I have to bet on myself here.

The future rests on my shoulders.

My future starts with me.

I can do this.

With great losses,

Came a great paradigm shift. 

I wasn't where I needed to be,

to provide the security of what I can bring.

But the best part is,

I can improve my life.

Improve who I am.

Though I am very much still me,

I can improve my habits,

Improve my perspectives,

Improve my patterns. 

Life is up for me to grab.

And for what seems like a little forever,

I have the strength, willpower, but Energy to do it. 

Let's go!!!!!!!!!

If y'all want to see something completely ridiculous, imagine me doing "The Git Up."