The Depth of a Soul..

I think. I think that regardless of how amazing you are, how grown up you may finally be. The same situations of old will always come a knocking; whether vicariously through someone close, or right at your door, you're never too old.  Hopefully for you, the difference is how you respond to said "situation." So,  Life is indeed, akin to a wheel. It spins and circles how it will. But hopefully along the way you learn how to navigate said "wheel." Bc if you don't. It will Fuck you. Like that moment at midnight, when she comes into the place with another man. That person you've given your whole heart and soul too. That person you walked away from bc she could never, no matter how much she said she loved you, give herself entirely to you, she just couldn't choose you. You can choose to: "Get up, shout, yell, cry, make a scene, leave, slam the door..." Or you can: Look at her, lock eyes, smile, hold her gaze for 30 seconds, then look away. Back t...

Push, Pull, Pull-Push. To here, to there,  Over there, over here. I love you, You love me, Not enough, Not ready. Yet you do, I do. What? When? Why? Here, there, where?  Sometimes I pretend I know, Or act like I know. I knew once, But not anymore. I can't wrap my had around it. Exile. My Exile. I let myself go, Let myself love, Let myself feel. Now, I let myself be placed. I placed myself in exile.  For this is too much right now. And I can't feel below my waist. I'm falling to the floor, Falling through the sky. To land... Alone, so alone. Sad but happy, Happy but alone. Together, but not quite. The voice in the back of your head.. The person in your heart, Yet, not quite there.. So, From there I'll go. Away from you, away from it. Strength, not enough of it. Weakness in strength.. Happy that I've been true to myself, True to you, by your side, willingly, happily. But oh boy does this sting, Tears wanting to come, But I wont let them. You never quite knew,  But I...

  Remember when I sang this song to you? Around a piano, you and me, when you said you loved me? I looked at you, smiled and said... I knew better then, as I know better now. I'm not good for you. You're too whole, Too you...  I will only hurt you, Only damage the whole.. I can't love again. The pain is too real, I'm too far gone.. "A breath away, blinks away, you have what's left of me. I don't think it's enough, but I can try..." Why do I feel it's better to let go? To let me be, Too let it be.. Things are better when I'm alone, easier.. It's safer this way, safer away, It's quiet here. Don't you know enough? Know enough.. I'll only hurt you, if you let me. With a smile you didn't let it go, Let me go. You said "It's too late for that now, I'm yours and you're mine.. That life is too short to let go what we have, What we can be. I won't give up on you, as you never gave up on me." I can't ...

Close your eyes and feel. Feel the breeze, Feel the energy all around. Know that you are still alive, Still can breathe.  Under the stars from up above,  The lights so dim, yet so bright. The majesty of the world around, It's amazing how something so grand, can affect things so small. So close your eyes, and breathe. Remember the time, not so long ago when. When you couldn't quite feel, Couldn't quite move, Could barely breathe. Never again will you take for granted, Never forget, That you are still alive, and that no matter how many of life's challenges come your way, You can still breathe when so many others can't. Live when it came so close. Believe when you came so close to stopping.. So close your eyes and believe, Become a believer again. A believer that you deserve better things, a better life, a better world to live, a better place to thrive. That life is only limited to your perception, so become limitless, become more, and believe the most. Search your sou...

So I told you a lie the other night, It was one I understand why, yet not proud of it. I'll do anything to take my mind away from my heart, and my heart to distract from what it's feeling. Though nothing's been set or said, nor have any decisions been made, but I feel us fading away, and the ghost of us, of you, terrifies me for what I'd lose. Though the reason is greater than you or I, and I'm praying to him above, that this is only for a season, I'm struggling with the feelings.. Feeling like I have to pull back, that I have to protect myself, That emotionally I'm too vulnerable, Too aware, Too close, Just another minute please... Why is this so hard? I don't know what to do, Or how to be.. I said that I'm pulling back to protect myself, I'm feigning strength when I'm a mess, Pretending to be fine, fine on my own, fine being okay. I'm not...   Yet the thought of not having you, makes life seem a lot duller, Colors seems off, Tastes seem...

An open hand, in a time of need. I wont let you drown, even when you try. We have it in us to be great. The meaning of an epic journey, The heart of a thousand words, The heart of a grand symphony. No, I wont let you drown. It's been one hell of go huh? Pain, heartbreak, earthly ailments, loss with many of tears. Just know: You're not a lone here, You have people around you. And if you happen to be alone, There's people all over the world who's felt what you are now, that makes you a legion. I wont sit around an let you drown. Life is to short, Remember you last favorite memory, Imagine it, relieve it. Now picture this: Something 1000x's the joy, a million times happiness.  That is what you have yet to experience. When you feel like you're drowning, Take a walk. Run for no reason, stop and catch your breath. Find your happy place, a place no one can infiltrate. Find it, hold it bask in it's peace. No, I wont let you drown, I wont let you keep yourself down. ...

A walk in the cold, The walk to your door. A dream, a moment. A cold winters day, The leaves are gone, The grass, already hibernating till next year. The day is cloudy and cold, wet and dreary. Why are we alone? Why are you alone? It's been a hard year, a time where being alone hurts when it rarely did. Walking outside, there's a bitter wind. People walk on by, heads down, mask on. God forbid you say hello.. Someday, Somewhere.. Nobody else see's, the silent pain, your silent pain. Why am I still out here? Alone and cold, Broken, yet mended? The day's turn into weeks, The first snow's hit. Why am I still here? Cold and alone? Hey baby, where were you back there? You said this was meant to be. You said you've found your new home. Why are you alone? Why are we alone? Walking alone, one never knows what is passed the surface, First glances don't always answer the answers, or question the questions.. Wait.. Most of the time I'm just naked and afraid inside, ...