This Sting..

Push, Pull, Pull-Push.

To here, to there, 

Over there, over here.

I love you,

You love me,

Not enough,

Not ready.

Yet you do,

I do.

What? When? Why?

Here, there, where? 

Sometimes I pretend I know,

Or act like I know.

I knew once,

But not anymore.

I can't wrap my had around it.

Exile.

My Exile.

I let myself go,

Let myself love,

Let myself feel.

Now, I let myself be placed.

I placed myself in exile. 

For this is too much right now.

And I can't feel below my waist.

I'm falling to the floor,

Falling through the sky.

To land... Alone, so alone.

Sad but happy,

Happy but alone.

Together, but not quite.

The voice in the back of your head..

The person in your heart,

Yet, not quite there..

So,

From there I'll go.

Away from you,

away from it.

Strength,

not enough of it.

Weakness in strength..

Happy that I've been true to myself,

True to you,

by your side, willingly, happily.

But oh boy does this sting,

Tears wanting to come,

But I wont let them.

You never quite knew, 

But I've known. 

The reason to cry,

is still there, but I knew.

I've known.

Nothing is set,

nothing was set,

So I knew. 

It most likely would take this turn.

And though it's still not set,

I can still feel that sting. 

It's there.

Yet,

I can still smile.

For I can still remember that feeling,

this feeling..

Your hand in mine,

Your touch,

Our touch.

I can still remember our kiss,

your kiss, 

our lips,

our connection.

I can still feel the sting of,

never fully having you,

yet I had all of your heart,

I never had all of you.

The sting of never fully knowing,

Yet also knowing,

That you loved me,

That I have been that bright spot in your world since we met,

It stings,

holy hell it stings,

the bitter sting of the not quite so,

The should haves and the what ifs..

So in exile I'll go,

In Exile seeing you out..

I'd do anything for you,

Have done anything for... 

That sting is still there,

like a quick hard slap to the face,

my hand left in it's place,

as I sunk to my knees..

Looking down.

A tear is rimming.

But I knew this before,

Saw the signs,

I've seen this film before..

Not far gone,

In Exile alone.

With all the malicious intents around me,

at least I have this,

the sting of remembrance,

The knowledge that I deserve it all,

the willingness to never settle.

That someday I will have it all,

though it may be a first,

It will happen.

"I can see you standin', honey
With his arms around your body
Laughin' but the joke's not funny at all
And it took you five whole minutes
To pack us up and leave me with it
Holdin' all this love out here in the hall

I think I've seen this film before
And I didn't like the ending
You're not my homeland anymore
So what am I defendin' now?
You were my town
Now I'm in exile seein' you out
I think I've seen this film before

I can see you starin', honey
Like he's just your understudy
Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me
Second, third, and hundredth chances
Balancin' on breaking branches
Those eyes add insult to injury

I think I've seen this film before
And I didn't like the ending
I'm not your problem anymore
So who am I offending now?
You were my crown
Now I'm in exile seein' you out
I think I've seen this film before
So I'm leavin' out the side door"