As the Wheel Turns..

I think.

I think that regardless of how amazing you are,

how grown up you may finally be.

The same situations of old will always come a knocking;

whether vicariously through someone close,

or right at your door,

you're never too old. 

Hopefully for you,

the difference is how you respond to said "situation."

So, 

Life is indeed, akin to a wheel.

It spins and circles how it will.

But hopefully along the way you learn how to navigate said "wheel."

Bc if you don't.

It will Fuck you.

Like that moment at midnight,

when she comes into the place with another man.

That person you've given your whole heart and soul too.

That person you walked away from bc she could never,

no matter how much she said she loved you,

give herself entirely to you,

she just couldn't choose you.

You can choose to: "Get up, shout, yell, cry, make a scene, leave, slam the door..."

Or you can: Look at her, lock eyes, smile, hold her gaze for 30 seconds, then look away.

Back to what you were doing. 

I promise you the pain will still be there,

but the satisfaction of being better than your knee jerk,

will be all the better.

Take look at the man she's with,

make sure she see's.

look at him like he's your understudy,

like he'll never amount to what you and her had.

She'll know it. 

Just like you know it.

Be composed,

Show strength, even amidst the heart wrenching pain. 

Let her know without saying it,

That you held her the longest,

That you loved her the deepest.

That what y'all had was once in a life time,

That no matter what you try to do,

It wont come close to those nights y'all had together. 

All this with a look, maybe two.

So when it get's to the point where you can't stand it anymore,

Get up with confidence.

Be the opposite of how you're feeling at that moment.

Be calm and show strength and restraint,

If you get a moment to catch her lone,

Say: It was good to see you, insert her first name, slightly touch her on the arm, then leave. 

The worst thing about it all,

Is that now you'll feel like you're in a Taylor Swift Song.

For me, it was her one with the great Bon Iver, but since he is one of my favorites

Its not half bad, but still.

Just know you're never too old for at least one of her damn songs to catch up to you.

She's just too damn good at what she does.

If she doesn't ever reach out, keep your confidence that she knows...

Even if she's not ready to open back up that door.

Try to live your life from here,

Be your best self, and you will love again, even if it's not with her.

Take your memories of her, don't curse her name,

sure you can be angry,

But don't act out.

Show dignity,

none of those lonely texts of weakness. 

Show your weakness alone, not where you're vulnerable.

None of this is easy, but you'll thank me later.

Hopefully you'll get the day where you can tell her how you feel,

felt. But if you never get to, just know that a great love lost,

is better than a love never had. For now you can find it again.

And again you will.

The point to it all, is that life will bring pains untold, and reasons to hold on to it.

But also, just like a wheel spins,

You can spin the other side of that pain.

You can hold on to the joy, happiness, fulfillment you felt. 

All of it, you can take it with you and take it to your next and hopefully final great love. 

Just know, It's taken me a long time to learn this. 

Even now it's not easy. But the right one wont let you go.

They won't let you fall without them to be on the receiving end to pick you back up. 

So please. Be kind to yourself, it's not entirely your fault, even if you're the main contributor. You can rebuild, just be true to yourself. Mourn the pain, give leniency to your mistakes and try again. Allow yourself to feel, and to even cry as is natural. But at the end of it all, you will be better for this, with or without them you will continue on the wheel of life. So when it comes full circle, you will find a better version of you, and you will be able to love all the more, even more passionately than before. 

But for know, so close to what just happened. Revile in the moment. And know that if this person is indeed to be your forever, they will come back around. They will return to what y'all had. Just stay true to you.