The Depth of a Soul..

To the river we go, hand in hand, arm in arm. Sunlight shining, oh! we're in the light now. Smiling, sitting, wishing. On a prayer, or on a heartbeat. We emanate our desires, and wish for the feeling, that hope to come true. Oh you know, and so do I. A call from a friend, and note in a book. An old photograph, a friendly reminder. Thank you. I have a lot more of "you's" that I even knew I had. Love is all around, Hope is still there. With a smile, with a hope, an out reached hand, with a firm grim. Now. here I am, and at least for today, the sun is shining, and that wind still a blowin' It's a summer's breeze in a frozen winter morning. A much needed warmth.

The thoughts of dreams laid bare. Hopes and feelings made manifest. To each and every moment, wrapped in a tiny bow. A memory to hold onto, and a feeling to remind you. Oh, you're still alive, and you still have a home. A picture frame with no picture in it. No position can merit it, No point of view can see it, a still-frame can't capture it. Staying in touch with reality, while still living in your dream world. An impossible nightmare, I'd rather not wait for. Where does the lying separate from the truth? I've been there once before, and I won't go back. Staying two steps ahead, but always behind. An oxymoron, but sums up my life. Finding the swirling color, and realizing that black and white would have worked better. Contradicting sentences, make more sense than the thoughts of my head. Yet it does make sense, give me more time... Everyday I struggle with, the concept that life still goes on, when for so many people, they...

At the start of all of this, you couldn't have imagined it getting so bad. People thought you were happy, Well, People had no idea. One can only hide it so well... The reality is: You can't see the light in the darkness. Sadness. You can only lie to yourself for so long, because at the end of the day, you know better. He said he was't alone, She said that she was happy. You knew better. The detachment, The blatant escaping... What is he doing? Where is she going? The thoughts swirl, and your stomach churns. Your head is pounding, You've been beaten lower than you could imagine. And that fucking pain, Oh how it hurts so much. It's been going on for so long, So long... Where did he go? What is she doing? It's so obvious, Yet he won't say, She won't share. The days are blurs, you know something is wrong. You can't feel him anymore, She doesn't see you anymore. You don't quite understand the pain you fee...

I've got this story and it's almost finished, I just need someone to tell it to. Maybe that's you. I've finally found a safe place, A place to be me. Let's take a trip back in time, to memories, too long caged in. Those pictures of time, wrapped in a tiny frame. That world we knew, Was like a time share spent every summer, but lived every day. The loves, those joys, with you, I had you. .. We had it all. It felt like a dream, Yet it was real. The sunshine on my face, those summer breezes not often enough felt, Yet like shots adrenaline you revitalized my spirit. Home. Skinny dipping in lakes, canoeing, Cliff jumping, Near life experiences, man that was close. Yet I wouldn't trade it for the world. We're only just as happy as everyone else thinks we are, Yet how much fun it always was. Those summer sunsets, always spent till those morning sunrises. Oh how it feels like sunshine.. The Happiness. You could see it. I could s...

Do you know? Can you tell? Walking similar paths, rather intentionally or not intentionally, Who's counting? The point is, It's not a bad thing. Rather you can admit it or not, Accept it. Actions mirror. You did that, I didn't ask, I did warn. But. I hope it doesn't end like mine. You were always the good of the three. I've always admired the things you've done, The things you've been capable of. That sweet kid, that genuine heart, all adored. You've always had that light in your eye. That light that comes from an inner peace. A moral code... Remember that. Remember this, Pride has a way to jade an image. I've seen the way you've looked at me, I know you care, and have been there through thick and thin, but I can tell. There's a part of you that think you're better than I, or maybe smarter. That blindness of yours, Is only an overlook, a misjudgment. You've done a lot, Many of which is much simi...

I’ve become. I’ve become, a thought in the wind, A voice trailing, a whisper. I’ve become. A person running, My new MO.  Will I let myself cry today? Or will I fake it… I will. A heart beats. My heart, this heart… It broke, a million pieces, shattered, lost. I’m okay with it though. I’ve learn pain. I’ve learn loss. Now it’s about how. How to get through. The void, Black and bleak. Cold, oh so cold.  Learning how to fix this head of mine, Learning how to rewrite my habits, Facing it, face to face, Time after time. Only time can heal these kind of wounds. Every day you learn something new, Ever so subtle, yet ever so profound. The power of just moving forward. Steady and sure, a summer’s breeze. Until it comes - That beautiful pain, You smile. A smile that you made it, allowed yourself through it, the worst has passed, and here you are. Smiling for no reason, Listening to your fav...

I come home... Excited to be alone, Happy and so relieved. Yet here I am, Looking over my shoulder, Lost in my mind. Trying to avoid, Trying to forget, avoiding, not confronting. Running has been my MO for so long, so long that I've forgotten that my heart is still beating, that my legs do have feeling.. I'm so tired. Always, not wanting to move, yet excited to. Heartbeats as one, Missing something, You know what.. Trying to not think, Living in a void. Don't bother me, I won't respond. I don't want to wake up, I don't want to feel. Knowing I should, is different from actually doing. What the hell is wrong with me. I can spend hours at a time, staring at a computer screen, It's as if I get lost, I am getting lost, Anything to escape. Maybe.. just maybe I can. Why is it so damn hard? The emotions are there, just hiding. Let it out, It's okay. Cry for her, cry for yourself. She's to young to know, and when...