Different Heartbeats.

I come home...
Excited to be alone,
Happy and so relieved.
Yet here I am,
Looking over my shoulder,
Lost in my mind.
Trying to avoid,
Trying to forget,
avoiding, not confronting.
Running has been my MO for so long,
so long that I've forgotten that my heart is still beating,
that my legs do have feeling..

I'm so tired.
Always, not wanting to move,
yet excited to.
Heartbeats as one,
Missing something,
You know what..

Trying to not think,
Living in a void.
Don't bother me,
I won't respond.
I don't want to wake up,
I don't want to feel.

Knowing I should,
is different from actually doing.
What the hell is wrong with me.
I can spend hours at a time,
staring at a computer screen,
It's as if I get lost,
I am getting lost,
Anything to escape.

Maybe.. just maybe I can.
Why is it so damn hard?
The emotions are there,
just hiding.
Let it out,
It's okay.
Cry for her,
cry for yourself.
She's to young to know,
and when she does,
you'll be you.
The person you always should have been
For her,
For you.
I miss her,
that face of innocence.
That smile...
Daughter of mine, this is for you.

I know it'll be hard for you to understand.
That alone had me fighting longer than most,
But it was that bad.
A complicated mess that has taken me so damn long to sort..

You'll understand someday.
And I'll hold your hand through it.
That is my promise.
You'll never lack for me.

The pain of not being with you,
is to much to bare.
But I have to...

Someday,
Maybe that day is now.
Let it go.
Let yourself feel.
It's okay.
You're okay...

You're okay.
Different heart's beats,
You're okay.
You're still there...