The Depth of a Soul..

One Never Realizes.. One never realizes how much someone truly means to you… Until those moments you say “good bye”  Rather if it’s just a four day parting,  A trip back to your place of residence,  or for those sad few, an indefinite parting… Sometimes it’s the new beginnings that mark the new spark. Those being that tornado into your life, and Change you forever.  All the same, it’s those people that you want beside.. That will mark the path…  With the thoughts of yesterday ever on your mind,  those “what ifs”  or has beens.  Maybe if only,  if it could have,  then it would have.  Knowing the meaning from the end.  or the begging during the journey.  Rather it’s the end point,  or the start.  Those that mean the most to you,  will all be there.  Resting in the back of your mind,  or ever looming on the currents.  It’s those though...

The world is, as we see it. Darkness, light, color, beauty, ugliness... We make the choice. To see, to be, to act, to cry, to laugh. The mirror shows, The reflection that you made. As light shows clearly, your shadow defined. What felt so good, hasn't felt good, for sometime. You look for an exit. To only find your reflection. Sometimes, being alone, isn't always a matter of loneliness, Just a state of mind. You chose, What you have. You see, As you want too. Beauty is all around. You seek it. You yearn for it. So you have it. Yet.. somewhere along the way.. you lost it. Never give up. Never lose hope. You can do, what ever you want to do. Shadows on the wall, clear up, as light shines true. True light shines, You heart is filled. So I stopped to think.

As time past's Life moves on. People you knew, change in ways. But yet that same person you remembered them as. Songs may change, Situations happened, But again... It's still the same. Many times you thought it could have been different. You hope. You fight for it. You bled for it. Yet it just stayed what it was. Damn. I would say.. It's never over until you say it's over. Many people told you to stop, a long time ago. Yet.. you didn't? because damn it felt so good. But was it worth it? Well for me, I try to live my life like that person you see in the movies. Yeah the one you would say "they've never had any regrets." But lets be honest here... Do you really think, that is true? I've done some pretty stupid things in my day. Made the same mistake many of times. I've been arrogant, I've talked to much, I've lied to those I've loved. I've hurt them too. DO I regret doing that? well... YES. I like to ...

I remember clearly, the first valentines day, You and I spent together.  The ride to Provo,  Flower in hand, a hand written card, and a night planned.  Formal clothes, for a casual occasion.  We got Cheesesteaks, then drove up to the peak. Ate them in the car, as we talked about anything and everything.  Little did I truly know.. just how much our lives would come together .   That night, was the first time,  I first told you…  that I loved you.  I chose you.  From that day to forever .  I knew, We would turn us , into E ternity .  Little did I know that our journey together,  would take us from from Utah, to Colorado.  There, I would propose.  There, I took you to a mountain's peak.  Got on one knee, and… Put a ring on it.  With tears in our eyes, you said YES!  From nights full of tears, to the pushing back of our original date. To me blindly fo...

Life is never perfect.  I wake up more tired than when I went to bed.  My mind never ceases to stop thinking.  My body is always restless.  I get angry over the littlest of things.  Yet, inside, I'm not really angry.  Sometimes I've had enough,  Many times, I cant get enough.  I think I'm satisfied, to only want more.  I wonder, when will I wont want any more.  My life is in the best place it's been in a very long time.  I have a great partner, and spouse.  We're happy.  Our problems, are only inconveniences, or petty disagreements.  But "marriage" and the idea of forever sharing my living space with another... has taken a lot of time for me to get used to.  It's different, and now life is different.  No matter how much I've wanted to stay the same,  I can't.  Sometimes, I fight against the reality of it all.  The whole "bachelor" mentality has take...

So, the start from the finish. Visible to some, invisible by many. The road in between windy, bumpy, and liable to change. Though you have your heart set upon a viable conclusion, reality will strip it. Crashing down, it came The liability, earth shattering. The illusion of progressing, ever pressing. Moving forward, only to find.. you went no where. A visible illusion… Yet along the way, you find, the right path and paths, they become more visible. You say a quick prayer, ever tuning, ever ready. Finding, that the visible illusion, is now a viable reality. The sun went down, your knees are scraped. Moving forward, happened. Now, having reached the goal, it's time to do it again. Again and again, until our time is up. and we've come home.

The day is moving on... So they said the weather would improve, That clouds would clear and the rain would stop. Maybe.. today is the day, the sunlight will come. Hopeful. When you fight over nothing, your heart strings are pulled, Your heart is the casualty, and it hurts like hell. Jaded. As you sit alone, Unknown to those around you, are the thoughts that are weighing you down. Your mistakes weigh on you. Anger grips you, Nothing satisfies you. The bad experiences really haven't faded yet.. They still pull at you… Baggage.. You can't sleep at night. Your mind won't shut off. "WHY? please… I'm so exhausted.." and you can't move.. Anxiety... Then you wake up. The sun is shining through your window, is today the day? Belief. As you walk outside, you stop to notice.. the clouds did clear. You look up into that ray of sunlight, "The time passed, and you realize, It really wasn't that bad." Relief. It...