The Depth of a Soul..

Here's more of a personal Topic. For the majority of my life, I have been deemed many things: Aloof, Overly optimistic, Prideful, Diligent, a Good person, Career focused, Scatter Brained, Driven, Willful, competitive so many things; but never Depressed, Angry, Stagnant, Cold Distant, Hopeless, Bitter... Riddled with insecurities, Trapped in my mind.. These last several months, even years have truly challenged the very fibers of what makes me, me.  I went from being a catch above all others, to unemployed, Un-marriageable..  I've been attacked to the core of my confidences in myself, and my outlook of the Man I am. The man I've worked my whole life to become. My life. Fell apart. And the ghosts of my past, Things I should have wrapped up years ago, Came back in force. I fell hard. Belly up, I felt lost, Destroyed. I sank into a deep depression. I felt hopeless. With pain haunting my every step, I was completely trapped in my new found insecurities, It took a lot to escape my

I got stuck in a rut. A rut where I felt tortured by my mind, Trapped in my head, Floundering with no reprieve A hard trip to constantly go down. Never able to escape, Always feeling the worst.. Until I learned, Until I recalled: My Anthem.  I learned to replace those thoughts with positive motives and actions. Whenever I even begin to feel sorry for myself I replace those thoughts with positive actions- Push ups, writing, going out with a friend, a hike, reading, the list goes on. I refuse to be stuck again. I’ve built a network of healthy habits to uplift myself. I’m uncomplicating the complicated.  Never again will go down that road. I will lift up where I stand, Uplift those around me, And experience life with a new energy. I’m embarking on a quest of learning, And additional growth. Where meditation and prayer are frequent. Where good times, and positivity resides.  I’ve turned a page. And I’m not looking back. I’m willing to allow people in again, Just a bit more guarded before t

Summer nights on the beach, Summer loves that never seem to be. Summer finds those, who desire this freedom, This mystical energy of what may be, To what can come, To what will come.. You see? There's this memory I have. It's placed on the shore, Water crashing in the back ground, The sun is setting, I'm beside someone I know, Not well, but I'm crazy for her. I put my arm around her, she rests her head on mine, As we stare into the sunset. This same night, We run down the beach, We jump into, not quite cold, but very refreshing water. The stars are bright, the moon is full.  I remember being so happy here, as if all of my problems had evaporated, it was just me and her. It's not so much the person, as the memory, the feeling, the excitement. Kissing under the moonlight being reflected by the water all around. The beach is not far from here. The waves are still crashing. Someday you will I will recreate that memory again, only with someone I share everything with, My

A new ending, To a new beginning. Choices made, Choices lost. Brashness, Passiveness, Energies combust.  I choose to be better, I choose to be alive. No more drowning, No more regrets, No more struggling. No more letting your emotions, Strangle you immobile. I have a path ahead of me, A path I've been putting off for too long. A road, a dream, not half way met. It's been a long time, Hope.  You've always had it, You've always known. Lately you've faltered, Forgotten who you are, Where you're from, What made you... you. So you pick yourself up from the ashes, of the life that burnt down around you. Up from what felt like oblivion. To the next stages of this grand adventure of life. You will truly smile again. You will truly soar, like you have so many times before. You have parts of you you don't like, and you will change them, you do them for yourself, to be better, the best. You will have love again. The fullness of what you've always wanted. You will f

  Is it a lie when you say you're okay? When you say: "I'm doing well thanks for asking." It's always about what's behind the words, Where, for many the real meanings lie..  These are the words you want to say, Wish you could, or at least someday when it's more appropriate... "No I'm not well, I miss you and this shouldn't be a thing Why? why can't two people who clearly care about each other, have all of the chemistry in the world, Love each other passionately.. Why can't these two people make it work? What is the hold up?" You pretend that things are going well, even with you trying to make a shit situation better, Even when you're bettering yourself, Your heart still hurts, Your head won't let it rest.. What you want to say, Yet it shouldn't be said, You want her to hold onto the good memories of you, remember the why she loved/ loves you. Even if that's not enough. "I'm so damn mad at you. Things were

Have you ever wondered what it felt like? To have someone Chase you? Want you? Do anything for you? I've had it for spurts, Yet now it's full of I cants  And I wont. Predictable. So no worries, it wasn't me tonight, But I'll be more than okay, eventually I'll find what it is I'm looking for. Maybe it could be you, But I guess it's left to that. I don't know, and red flags..  So someday, I'll find someone. Someone who will say "I can" whenever she feel's I can't.  Someone who will choose you first, before anyone else, Someone to think of you, and to be with you, Be happy at the thoughts, Share in the moments Believe, and stand by you. Where Passion is ever plenty, Where Goodbyes are but a formality. Someday, Somehow, It'll be somebody who steps up, instead of coming with reason why not. Someone to not only match, but to exceed the efforts you can give. Not because she's keeping track, but because she just does. All I know is

Most stories starts similarly, Most/ many end in a similar ways. But you... Me..  I've never walked this walk before. At times I want to shoot to the moon and back, Shout from the rooftops my love for you, Others, I want to pull my hair out, I've said many curses alone, Ha! you are a wild one, and I love it. Yet for you, To you I'd have it all. For the better, To the better, I want to go. Rewrite the stars, The paths I've once walked, I'm tired of the mundane, Tired of the rut. But you, You my dear, are everything.. The better, The best. The Ups and even downs, I'm grateful for them all. With you I hope to be the best, and arrive at the better. We've had many dynamics we've treaded through, and here we are. Connected like two peas in a pod, Magnetic forces that keep us coming back, Passion to light a forest fire, Ever trying to be improve, Ever working on ways to be better, Not willing to let go, and never to quit. I love you, You love me. To me, this is