To Distant Skies

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Why do I feel like I’m relapsing?

Why do I feel like I’m crashing out?


A truth is?

I’m scared. 

Scared because for the first time in a long time…

I have a good thing going here.


A partner I trust.

A girl I’ve come to love. 


It’s easy here

A life where we have similar goals 

A journey 

Before destination. 


Yet day by day

It’s all I can take of it.

Slowly it’s become a burden 

A fear that someday 

I will come to resent it here.


I’m not sure if this version of this story is what I’m looking for…


I’ve realized that maybe it’s just me. I don’t know how too. I’ve tried and still try.

I don’t know how to talk to you.

I don’t quite understand why…


I’ve gotten too good at

Knowing what I don’t want

That I’ve forgotten how to choose what I do want. 

It’s almost as if I’m counting the lines in the wall. 


Why can a set of eyes and a smile stand out so much

As if a wave of electricity has been shot into me…


Why does it break my heart?


I am so much at peace with myself 

I’m learning to love myself again.

How odd?


I guess I want a ride or die type of person

With a passion untamed

And loyalty unmatched

I have half of that now,

Why aren’t I sustained? 


I close my eyes and see a different world


It’s not fair to her.

Can I love her the way she deserves?


I can’t lie myself through this one.

I can’t do that anymore.


It was too taxing.

Too life draining 

soul quenching

Toxic. 


Time and Time again I pulled that shit. 


Day by day, it’s all I can take of it.


I can’t give away any more of myself to someone I can’t give my all to.


I think that’s it. 


I do love her.

But I don’t think I can love her enough

To be in love.


That’s what scares me.

I don’t have time to waste anymore.


I am a ride or die type of person.

You’re my glue, nails and board 

As I’m yours in every way.


Because we’re able to explore all of that together. All of me. All of you. 

Ride or die. 

Me and You

You than I. 


Anything less than…


Terrifies me. 


I cant chase it anymore.


I need to live it.

I want more children. 

A love that’s energizing 

And Undefined by borders. 

Let’s fly together.

Live and love, together.

I don’t want too much space from you

I don’t think I can. 


I think of that person and I could conquer the world at the thought.


That’s the journey I want.

With the destination I’ve always yearned for. 


The Journey before Destination. 

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