In between.

It’s an awkward stage,

so you can say.

It’s a place I’d rather not be in, that is true. 

Yet here I am,

Sometimes I’m soaring,

most times I’m spiraling down the drain,

somewhere between sanity and hopelessness.

Kind of like a light bulb with a mind of it’s own.

What the hell is it’s issue?

Nowhere near the place I thought of,

Those 5 years ago when I started this.

So here I am,

down with the demons of my mind,

the demons of heart.

I’ve seen a lot of things I’d rather not have,

been privy to the worst and the best.

Seen life full,

experiencing it’s worst.

Not quite in hell,

just hovering the grey.

Seeing the sun rise,

then the sun fall.

Sometimes I can’t even tell the difference, 

But I’m far from dead,

and more than just living.

I’m getting by,

step by step,

bit by bit.

I’ve been running from time,

by not having the time to live it. 

Now I’m here,

Now I’m there,

Now I’m forced to. 

Rise above the shit of reality.

Every day now,

I’m forced to see,

forced to face it.

Everyday I start off so great,

then that sun sets…

Fuck. 

So now I see it,

It’s become the crux of me,

I can’t seem to rise above.

The place in between.

Even the demons are grey.

So fucking annoying. 

Even they don’t even have color.

Yet I have to believe I’m moving forward. 

I don’t know what’s wrong with me,

other than something is.

So here I am..

With my demons.

Fighting against them,

yet instead of fighting me,

it’s as if they just enjoy hanging there.

Those mother fuckers. 

My sinking feeling can’t even sink.

My head pounds for no reason,

As if it’s just a reminder that at least something is feeling.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m moving..

Then I see her..

My little angle.

The meaning of it all.

My handle to reality. 

I’m doing this for her.

Becoming whole again.

I love you Little Miss. 

Thank you.

Thank you for being in my life.

I can do this.

I can feel.

I can shake them.