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Have You Ever?

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Have you ever? Just not known? Known up from down? Down from up? As if you’re lost in the haze of existence Trying to swim, Yet suddenly forgetting how to? I do, I have, and still do. Kinda.. all the time. Somehow I found myself here. Today…   In a new stage of life. A stage I never thought I’d have to relive Yet reliving in a unique way. Seeing how I once was, But enjoying this version of myself much more. Im such a different person now. And in a much better place.. Do you ever miss cues? I do and do all the time? Half the time I can’t tell the up from down And feeling like I’m walking on a different planet Yesterday I was dealing with CEO’s People of means Making much more.. Living a Very different life, Money didn’t bring happiness..   I did try to buy it though.. 😂 Funny how I’m somehow happier now, than I was back then. I enjoy the people around me Odd but I’m enjoying socializing again. Seeing this version of me, It’s been fun finding you again Shaun. Still a work in pr...
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A Lost Remembrance

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  A lost remembrance   A piece drawn away A thought that never happened   A voice kept silent   Time ticking in the back of my mind Cause I know what I’d find if I sit in place So I keep walking   Not sure what I’d find Or where I’ll find it. I don’t know the way I just go where I go. I’m at peace now With myself at least. I’m back to ground zero in some ways Yet liberated in a way I haven’t felt since days before I knew.. I never could forget your face It finds me in my sleep And I’d like to tell you about those dreams. If you hear my name And it doesn’t bring you pain Just know that I know I felt it too. And tomorrow,   Is worth the price. Missing the turn I should have taken   Having found somewhere better Because of it. Peaceful resistance to The moving towards   The Unwilling to compromise. A Mental fortitude. The secret of allowing myself to feel Yet standing strong in the face what is coming. Using the emotions to power a new resolve. I may...
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In my Head

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In My Head  Sometimes you just don’t know As you thought you once did Why is this thing a thing? My head.. My head is spinning   I need you out of my head A thought.. A dream   A voice Your voice My thoughts are compressed, A blender spinning. What is even reality anymore? A straight road? A way out? A future? Or a new beginning? I talk too much Right now it’s all I can do. A Thought   A dream A voice..   Gone tomorrow   Or gone yesterday.. A voice, A dream A connection  Those thoughts.. I feel like I know you Oh how I want to know you And now I’m with you A smile that won’t go away I need this Somehow I just do. I need you out of my head I need to function  But I can’t stop Just something I have to do. 
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and Somehow

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To my Final Valentine, I don't know why and I'm still trying to figure the how.. That somehow, in someway, God blessed my life with you.  I didn't feel like I deserved the love you had  Yet somehow.. you taught me how to accept that I do.  From the moment we talked I knew that you would be special  That in someway We would connect deeper than I ever have before you That somehow, I went from being broken.. to whole.  That in someway, I learned how to love again.  From a Valentine hater,  To this day,  I can't see without you as my Valentine.  In you, I see the rest of my life  2 children, a boy and a girl  The first with brown hair,  The second, with a head full of red.. I love you baby.  Somehow, simply So Yet in Someway, Stronger than I've ever experienced.. I love you.  Without the right words to describe Yet Somehow I just know.  From the second week of telling you.. To asking you to move in with me.  and...
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Names on a wall

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The Walls built around Are only as strong as the people living within As the dusk settled, nestled safely within Sleeping soundly The Happiness from within Falsified, by a false sense of security   So incredibly and blissfully unaware of The many wolves that had gathered about As impervious as the people felt As hard as they fought  It all quickly, came crashing down.  Yet.. It's taken me this long to To truly be okay with  To truly allow myself to  To move on  To look elsewhere To smile differently To find happiness elsewhere  To feel enough to To be real with this To let go of my anger  To feel enough to start writing again To.. Let Go..  God i've missed you more than words The way you would smirk before you laugh The way you Smile Your words Our time together Our worlds have always just meshed so well together Our jokes and all the random things that come out of your mouth  That sense of humor  Both dark yet wholesome  ...
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Pieces of me

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Pieces of me In Highschool I used to fantasize all the time That by this age, I'd be this far. That I would have accomplished everything I wanted  A beautiful relationship With a beautiful family  The way I was raised  I was instilled with this simplistic Hope & Ideal That with the fire of my heart's desires  I can and would accomplish anything That Life and Love are intertwined  You accomplish one then you'll have the other Call this boy-ish fantasy what you will But the truth is? I was too prideful to attain those boy-ish fantasies  Too Prideful to love myself the way I needed to be loved And in return be able to give myself to someone.  God was I prideful.  I don't really know what it was But I was obsessed with Love Yet had no clue how to get it To find it, and to function with it.  I never had a hard time attracting someone But what I did isn't something you can call dating  I'd never had a functional relationship Up until I was...
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From the Daylight

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  Oh how i love it and i hate it at the same time Running from the distance Selling myself for less May I spare the mercy from the mercy deep within? Please don't leave me in the end There's a light from within Yet I resist it's influence I hate the idea that I can feel again From the daylight, Oh, how I'm running from the daylight. Somehow you know at the same time That you and I are running from the same light Subconsciously aware of  Knowing it's all there. Yet somehow running away from  What we both can share. Our pride is holding us hostage. From the way we're been living The constant lies we live in All keeping us from the daylight we deserve. We draw poison from the same vine Running from the daylight Lovin' the thoughts of how it could be. From on my knee's  Though standing at the same time. Help me stand in the presence of  The Light we share, and that thought of being happy again.  How dare I dream of such an idea! We drew poison from the same ...
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