I Remember Everything..

I'm doing well,
the famous words of an addict.
A pain that never fully leaves,
the long desire of unfulfilled passions.
Pain that rests,
in the deep recesses of your soul.

My dearest friend,
my dearest home..
Sometimes I can forget that it wasn't that long ago,
I couldn't see passed the hue of grey and black.
A darkness that took hold,
the only thing that was pure.

Now it just lingers,
the unwanted shadow,
the unavoidable reminder..

A league of broken thoughts,
The numbness of a shattered world,
Daemons that lingered,
Fires that overwhelmed...

I climbed through this,
bit by bit,
step by step.
Somehow I made it,
even as such,
Occasionally I am reminded of it,
The unwanted passenger,
That pain that rests in the recesses of my soul..

It's so far away at times,
yet only a trigger, a memory a way..
sometimes I can't help but remember,
I don't dwell on it,
not like I used to.

I'm not numb anymore.
I can maintain consciousness now,
I don't lose myself anymore.
Yet I still feel it all,
and feel I do,
If just for a time.

you see? I am lucky.
Not fully healed,
just fully aware.

I carry this with me,
this constant reminder,
So I can remember who I've become,
and help others when they hurt.
Empathy.

So remember I must,
and remembering I do.
All so I can remember how to feel,
So I can let myself go,
Letting it go,
Letting the light in,
Letting myself heal.

I remember everything.
Love,
It's still there,
ever budding,
and growing.
A love of myself and others.
A light where my daughter sits,
and a light where God resides.

So don't worry about me.

See? I will still falter along the way,
but at least I can recognize it.
I let myself hurt,
So I can be:
This man I strive to become...

I remember everything.