And the Days go on

There is a fundamental reason why things are what they are,
Why life will continually suck,
Or why life may Be awesome.
There's no such thing as: "it's just supposed to be that way,"
"Or there's nothing you can do."
It's easy to get carried away with the uncontrollable's  compared to the controllable's,
yet at the end of the day,
if you have no idea why things are the way they are,
then it's time to gain some perspective.

I've been carried away with the excuses,
and the should haves and the what if's.
Even when I've done all I could do,
I'd still fail at the overall goal.
Why is that?
I've become bitter,
and resentful
Repressed and Angry.
I've come up with reason after reason of why things happened the way it did.
But completely over look the core of it all.
I've become okay with people feeling sorry for me,
rather than stepping forward and fight.
So what is it?
why has things been this way for me,
for so long...

It's me.
It's always been me in one variation or another.
I have some serious flaws in my character.
Flaws I've had no idea truly existed until recently.
It's taken me time to open my mind,
and really get perspective of me,
and what's been going on with me.

I've never had a problem apologizing for me,
over and over i'll do so.
It's sad.
I'm sick of it.
My life has been a grand mess for a while now.
And instead of doing something about it...
I've been unable to see through my own pride to gain perspective,
and to change it.
I've clung to ways of escaping rather than facing my flaws head on.
I've become riddled with shame and guilt.
I'd attack the symptoms rather than the source.

I'm done with being content in mediocracy.
I'm done with the resentment and pity.
I need to be me, and become the better version of me.

No more excuses,
no more blaming other people.
Im getting my life in order.
One step at a time,
each goal,
bringing me to the open-ended finish.

So the days move on...