a whirl wind.

-


At the end of this night,
the first thoughts are -
I should be asleep.
Yet I chose to write,
a couple of thoughts that portray,
a bit of how I feel tonight.
For good or bad,
richer or poorer.
I'll be happy when I am able to see,
things a little more clearer.
Like I used to -
when the choices made,
made a little more sense.
Back when there wasn't so much to bare.

I guess it's all of the reminders that I have much more yet to wade through,
and with those ever present and constant reality checks never let me forget,
that life is hard and one hell of a hard experience.

So now,
Here I am.
At home -
surrounded by those I love -
Family.
It's been amazing.
I don't remember Ga,
being quite like this.
Yet midst
so many people,
I feel alone.
Not the lonely depressed kind of way.
But the,
"hey look at all the people with someone,
I wish I had one of those,"
kinda way.

It's funny how the mind works.
Even mid-stream of so much awesomeness,
the thoughts of what you're without,
floods in.

I take a step back -
to the thoughts of tomorrow,
or the thoughts of the past.
I have a lot to be humbly - proud of.
Many reasons to be happy.
So I am -
Quite happy.

This time home,
has given me a lot of time to reflect and
to think of how much better the future will be.
I'm centered.
I will plan better.

Funny to think,
that for the first time since my last semester in school,
I looked at my grades.
Man they sucked.
In essence,
they portray,
how 2011 has been.
Kinda like the nasty rotten food in the fridge.
Forget about it, and hell, do not not open the container.
One HELL of a crappy year.
Though better than 2010, not by much though.
Basically a hard last 2 years.
But really - I've needed them.
I've needed the humbling
and the growth.
I'm grateful for them.

I'm going to work for a better year 2012.
Less philandering, and more of whats good for me.
Not doing anything based on others,
but doing what I want to do.
No more games,
no more lies,
with mistakes a plenty,
I will live this next year.
And make it the best i can.

2012,
IT'S ABOUT TIME.

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