As it was.

It doesn't get any easier,

how I wish I could say, exactly how I am, how I feel.
Things look better everyday, Life is happening but you could be happier.

dreams haunts your every step.
At night you can't sleep, you feel insane.

You would think that by now you could deal with this.

A flood of emotions, when ever you stop and think.
Look back, was it fake, was it only a forced reality of what you had wanted?

No, she may say it wasn't real, but you know it was.
Or you wouldn't be feeling this way.

Dreams at night still are just as vivid,
feelings of your love for her, are all still there.
She can't be told, she doesn't want to hear it...
Your mad at her, and you don't know why,
you take it out on her, yet you love her more that you wish...

You know without a doubt that when you look back,
You're not over her, nor do you want to be.
You liked what you had, all along, it is still what you want, the only thing that matters.

It's all you wanted,
Not the money you're making,
Not the things you can buy,
Nor the places you can go,
Not even the accomplishments you are achieving...

What it is you want,
you gave up.

You would think that you could do this by now.
Yet at the end of every night,
It's the same old dreams,
The same longings,
the same memories.

This is all you can write about:
how she is doesn't feel the same way,
how she still longs over her old lover,
how what you and her had isn't real to her.
You get so mad that you just want to run your car into a tree.

She is okay without you.
You're not okay without her.
You still cry at night,
wet your pillow with a water fall worth of tears.
You still hope and wish upon a star,
You know that you should be stronger,
You replay all you could have had,
Yet you still know that it wasn't just you,
It didn't work out,
Against your best efforts.

It's not even about the mistakes anymore,
Just about the longings you have for her,
all that you wanted.

The worst part is...
I am the only person who wants it.
You're alone in this desire.

Secretly you know that you can't tell her any of this...